Head Coach: Bruce Arians
Possibly the greatest personality in The NFL’s entire history, Arians is a legend among men.
The QB Whisperer gave the entire NFL a scare when he was diagnosed with Cancer in the
offseason but is back in control for this season. I can’t do justice to how much of a hero Arians is so go dig up “A Football Life: Bruce Arians” on The NFL Network and you will fall in love with this guy especially when you see the famous 2012 season with Indy.
2016 Record: 7-8-1
A highly disappointing season where it was expected The Cardinals to be competing for the
Super Bowl. Injuries destroyed this team starting with Carson Palmer and spreading through the team like wildfire. Expect to see them to compete this year as long as they keep the injuries down. And please, no more 6-6 ties with The Seahawks.
Draft Position: 13th
Player To Watch: Tyrann Mathieu
An exciting Safety, Mathieu is a monster but only if he can stay fit. Drafted in 2013, he’s never played a full clip of games. Blowing out both knees and injuring a shoulder, it will be interesting if he can stay fit this year.
MVP: Larry Fitzgerald
Coming to the end of a tremendous career, Fitzgerald has been the face of The Cardinals. With solid numbers for his entire career, Fitzgerald became the 10th member of the 100 TD Club last year. It’s unsure how much mileage is on the tires but a Lombardi would nice beside The Walter Payton Man Of The Year Award on his mantle piece.
Super Bowl Chances: In With A Shout
With a talented team and an average sheet of games, it’s not beyond this team to put a run together. On the other hand, as we have seen, a handful of injuries and this team is toast.
Head Coach: Sean McVay
Do you want to feel like your life is unfulfilled? Sean McVay is 31 years old. He got this job when he was 30. He is the youngest Head Coach in modern NFL history. Isn’t that just dandy?
2016 Record: 4-12
Once again, words fail me on how bad this team was under Jeff “7-9” Fisher. Go watch last
year’s Hard Knocks and binge on All Or Nothing and you will see how laughable Fisher was as a Head Coach. How they managed 4 wins is beyond me.
Draft Position: 5th (Traded to The Titans)
Player To Watch: Jared Goff
He’s just not that good and the reason I say watch him is because it’s likely to be a car crash. 9 games last year for the No.1 pick of the draft and the numbers were not good. 112-of-205 passes for 1,089 yards and five touchdowns with seven interceptions. I hope for his sake he has found some talent in the offseason
MVP: Todd Gurley
Another high draft pick that didn’t live up to the billing last season, Gurley had a bit of a fall off in his second year. Playing more games but rushing for less yardage and TDs, Gurley struggled. He did catch more yards than his rookie year but as a running back, you never want your longest effort of the year to be a catch.
Super Bowl Chances: A Hollywood Tragedy Is On The Cards
I genuinely believe 4-12 could be the ceiling for this team unless McVay can come up with some sort system that can turn Goff and Gurley into world beaters, there is really no way I can see this team going anywhere except down fast.
San Francisco 49ers
Head Coach: Kyle Shanahan
The offensive genius behind The Falcons success last season, Shanahan got hired as the 49ers Head Coach 1 day after The Falcons Super Bowl implosion. To give an idea of how he thinks, here’s a quote:
“I studied every potential Xs and Os play and issue possible. I spent my whole life working on that. My goal was that any question a player could have about anything on the field, I’d be able to answer it.”
2016 Record: 2-14
We can’t talk about last season without Protesting Extraordinaire, Colin Kaepernick. Didn’t stand for the National Anthem and was average when he took over the starting gig. That’s it. When the eyes of the world are on you, you better not suck. Anyway, looking like world beaters by taking The Rams to the woodshed and beat the living Christ out of them on week 1, The 49ers wouldn’t win another game until they squeaked past The Rams in week 16. Special mention to former Australian NFL Superstar Jarryd Hayne who retired after a glorious NFL career at the start of the 2016 season. Best of luck, 38!
Draft Position: 2nd (Traded to The Bears)
Player To Watch: Eh…Just Watch Another Team, You’ll Thank Me
I’ll be honest, I can’t even fake an interest in The 49ers this year. They look to be in full rebuild mode, like foundation up, and with a massive turnover of players this year, who knows what will happen but I really can’t even pretend I remotely care and I don’t think you should either. No real talent or jump out stars are left on this once great team. It’s so hard to imagine that in 4 years they have gone from almost winning the Super Bowl to completely blowing up their roster and starting again after the most noteworthy part of their season was a player who felt the need to sit out the National Anthem.
MVP: See above
I couldn’t pick from the rag tag group and the new leader who will install a whole new system. Realistically, unless they do something to show me I’m wrong in my opinion of them, I’ll continue my ambivalence towards them.
Super Bowl Chances: More Chance Of Me Caring About Their Season
With so much change in personnel and coaching staff, it would be a miracle to even to make the playoffs in the first year of the Shanahan era, let alone win it all.
Head Coach: Pete Carroll
Carroll has had big success since joining The Seahawks in 2010. One Lombardi, another Super Bowl appearance with the dumbest playcall in the history of the sport which cost him a Lombardi and only 1 season without playoff football, Carroll has done well.
2016 Record: 10-5-1 A bizarre season in which The Seahawks lost 9-3 to The Rams and a 6-6 tie with The Cardinals, they marched on to the playoffs where they turned over The Loins before receiving a kicking at the hands of The Falcons.
Draft Position: 26th (Traded to The Falcons)
Player To Watch: Eddie Lacy
This is just mental. Imagine rocking up to work and the boss goes “hey fat boy, if you start losing weight and hit these weight targets, tubbs, we’ll give you loads of money”. That just blows my mind that you have to say this to a pro-athlete. It’s just nuts! But anyway, lets see what “Feast-Mode” can get up to.
MVP: Russell Wilson
With his throwing arm getting more and more yardage and his legs getting used less and less, it looks like Wilson is becoming a more traditional QB and it’s suiting him. With 5 seasons under his belt, he is yet to miss a game. That being said, Wilson’s numbers could also be down to the fact he couldn’t move last year after an ankle and knee injury in the first 3 weeks of the season. If he can keep the increase in his arm yards and stop the slide on his rushing yards, God knows where he can end up.
Super Bowl Chances: Very, Very Good
There are there or there about every year since Wilson has been on the team and I don’t think this year will be much different. Little tweaks have been made but the formula has been so successful so far, little tweaks are all it needs.